Why the Xbox is Better Than Xbox 360

I recently rejoined the Xbox 360 family and while I certainly love
the 360 and all it has to offer me as both a gamer and a fan of “stuff”
(Last.fm, Netflix, Windows Media Center syncing… you know, stuff),
I’m also quickly reminded that while the Xbox 360 is the superior
console in every measurable sense… I still love the original Xbox more.

Below I’ve listed several reasons why I think the Xbox is flat-out better than the Xbox 360. I AM NOT ARGUING TECHNICAL SUPERIORITY. It doesn’t matter how much Michael Collins I have in my system, I will never be dumb enough to say the Xbox is superior
to the Xbox 360. The 360 has the superior library of games, a superior
online service and, as I said before, offers a hell of a lot more
“stuff” than the Xbox.
But just because something is technically superior than something else doesn’t mean that it’s “better”. Xbox is a Beast, Xbox 360 is Shaped Suspiciously Like a Maxi Pad


Anybody
who wants to argue this point will wind up in a puddle of liquid
failure which tastes like warm Grapefruit Juice. The original Xbox was
built like a tank. It was big. It was bulky. It was heavy as hell and
could fuck your day if an earthquake or the bass from your Quiet Riot
album knocked it off a shelf — but more on that later.
The Xbox 360, on the other hand, looks like it’s built for maximum
absorbency. It tries to be slim, but fails. It has a very unimpressive,
minimalist outer shell which is just boring — especially when it sits
next to the original black and green death machine. But you know what
the worst thing about the Xbox 360 design is? It’s white.
Yeah, yeah, it also comes in black now — but it launched as a white console and that’s good enough for me.
I can’t stand video game consoles that are white (or gray, for that
matter). For starters, I thought we learned from the Super Nintendo
about why lighter-colored video game consoles don’t work — they never
stay the same color! How many of you people reading this right now have
a SNES that’s turned that nasty, dried vomit-brown? I’ve started to see
first generation PlayStations (PSX) start to turn to that city water
tinting, for Christ sake.
You’ll never see an Xbox go through plastic vitiligo.
No, your Xbox will sit proudly on the 3/4ths of the shelf that the
beast occupies. Oh yes, it’s still on your shelf, too, isn’t it? Hell,
you’re afraid to pick the damn thing up, aren’t you? Hey, I don’t blame
you — I’m scared too. Any object that can be dropped from thigh-level
and still break every bone in your foot should be both respected and
feared.
Because if you fuck up, Xbox will fuck you up.
Manly Controllers for Manly Hands


If the Xbox 360 is your first experience with a Microsoft console,
know this: The current controller is a slightly modified version of the
Controller S that, eventually, was packaged with the Xbox. It’s
small, easy to fit into your hands and, for all intents and purposes,
is a well designed piece of equipment.

The original Xbox controller, on the other hand, was designed for
Lumberjacks and Deep Sea Fishermen; manly men with manly hands which
they used to do manly things like strangling brown bears and reminding
their wives why they should start dinner at 3:40pm instead of 4pm when
they get home. Hell, the controller was even codenamed “Duke”, which is
the manliest name a man can hope to have (next to “Roll Fizzlebeef“).
Eventually crybaby mortals were able to bitch long and loud enough for
Microsoft to replace this glorious controller with a smaller
controller, called Controller S.
“S” for “Sissy”, maybe. I still use Duke — so what if I can’t throw grenades because I can’t press the black button.
Plays ALL Xbox Games


The Xbox 360’s backwards compatibility is a ruse, a clever sham — an
outright lie, I would go so far to say. As it stands the Xbox 360 only
runs about half of the Xbox library and yes, while these games
technically run on the Xbox 360, good luck playing them. Most
of the games suffer from framerate issues, audio or graphical glitches,
or out and out crashes.
Additionally, I don’t think a system can say it has backwards
compatibility unless a minimum of 90% of the previous console’s games
can run on the damn thing. Also, on a personal note: I liked Deus Ex 2 to want to play it. Again.
The Dashboard Was Bad Ass


I’ve never been a fan of the Xbox 360 dashboard. The first one was a
little too convoluted to navigate efficiently. Now we have NXE, which
is just… I’m not a fan. There. Yeah, it has some cool features but it
all seems way too family friendly with the pastel coloring and that
damnable Mii Avatar looking into your soul with it’s
judgmental, empty eyes. It’s trying to do too much, frankly. I long for
the days where all you had to deal with was your system settings,
internet connection and deciding whether or not the console would boot
to the dashboard or begin playing the game right away.

You know, like the freakin’ XBOX (and Dreamcast). The original Xbox
dashboard was the pinnacle of both ease of use and badass appearance.
The black and green was easy on the eyes and looked bitchin’.
Additionally, you only had four options you had to deal with:




http://www.bingegamer.net/2009/why-xbox-is-better-than-xbox-360/

you had to deal with:

• Memory
  
• Music
  
• Settings
  
• Xbox LIVE
  

You would have to be some kind of stupid to not be able to figure that out.
And one more advantage the Xbox has over the 360? Brand recognition.
Yeah, the Xbox 360 logo is on the NXE dashboard, but it’s tiny and in
the lower right-hand corner. You have to actually look for that little
bastard. With Xbox, you never had that problem because the Xbox X logo
took up the entire left half of your fucking screen!
Seemingly Unlimited Memory


By today’s standards, the Xbox’s meager 10GB hard drive doesn’t
sound like a whole hell of a lot. But you show me one person who filled
that hard drive and I’ll show you somebody who ripped way too much music to their console. I’ve had my Xbox since November 2002 and my system STILL reads “50000+ Blocks Available”.
It’s enough to spoil you. Now you have systems like the Xbox 360 and
PS3 with massive hard drives and people are STILL having problems
managing their space.
Inline Release “Warning”


I’m going to be honest: this entire feature was contrived for the
sole purpose of being able to share this with you people. Let me quote
from page 7 of the Xbox Instruction Manual:

Inline Release
Each Xbox controller cord has an inline release. This is a safety
feature designed to reduce the chance of the Xbox console falling when
the cord is pulled. If the Xbox console falls and hits someone, especially a small child, it could cause serious injury.
To reduce the risk of such injuries or of damage to the Xbox console,
it is important to properly use the Xbox controllers and the inline
release.

Translation: “Hey, if we didn’t include a break-away controller this behemoth could fall on your child and KILL THEM!”
Now I ask you: How many other video game consoles can say that they
could potentially have a body count attached to them? You think the
Xbox 360 is killin’ kids? Hell no! At best the 360 may make your kid cry when the Red Ring of Death claims another console before it’s time. Which leads me to my final point…
Xbox is Immortal


After several tests and going seven years without hearing a single
story of an Xbox dying, I have come to the ultra-scientific conclusion
that the original Microsoft Xbox is made out of Furbys and powered by
the innocent souls of orphans. I guess when you have an inch-thick
bulletproof outer shell that protects the gooey innards of Cerebro, a
few raging fanboys aren’t much of a problem.
A far cry from the reported 68% failure rate of the Xbox 360, don’t you think?
End of an Era


To me the Xbox signifies the end of an era in video games, as it was
the last of the true gaming systems. Yes, the Xbox 360 and PlayStation
3 are both designed with gaming in mind, but you could make a
reasonable, logical argument that both platforms are multimedia devices
that just happen to also play games.
The Xbox? It stands alongside the GameCube, PlayStation 2 and
Dreamcast as being the last of the true gaming consoles. Yes, they
might have played DVDs and music, but when people bought them they were
buying a video game machine that, in a pinch, could stand in for a DVD
player. The Xbox and other consoles of the last generation were video
game systems meant to sit beside the DVD and VHS players of the day.
Now people are buying 360s and especially PS3s to replace the DVD
player.
And while it’s the natural progression of home entertainment, it’s still kind of depressing. At least, from my standpoint. Go on, people. Tell me why I’m wrong.